Jerome, translator, teacher, 420
"Restoring Relationship: Fix the Problem, Not the Blame!"
“A gentle response diffuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.”Proverbs 15: 1 MSG
The fifth biblical step towards restoring a relationship is to attack the problem, not the person. If your only concern is fixing the blame, you cannot fix a problem.
You must choose between the two. When you choose to fix the problem you are more likely to have a gentle response. That type of response,in turn, is more likely to diffuse the anger that the other person feels rather than raise it.
You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic one.
Here’s an important key: how you say something is as important as what you say. If you say it in a way that is offensive, it will most likely be received defensively. We are inclined towards hearing things negatively, so keep that in mind.
God tells us, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.” (Proverbs 16: 21 TEV). Here’s a truth that we all need to remember: nagging never works. You can never be persuasive when you are being abrasive.
Many of you are too young to remember this but during the Cold War, both sides agreed that some weapons were so destructive they should never be used. The same thing is true for our relationships. There are some words and actions that must never be used.
For the sake of fellowship you must destroy your arsenal of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning, belittling, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending and being sarcastic. Those might make you feel good but they will never heal a relationship.
Paul sums it up this way, “Do not use harmful words but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4: 29 TEV)
Peace in the Lord,